Friday, April 30, 2010


Yea!  It's Friday!  Daddy has off today, so we spent some time with him this morning before he went out this aftrernoon.  No idea what we will do with the rest of the weekend, but we'll find something.  Food has been fine the last few days.  Had pancakes this morning, which was great!  Walked 3.8 miles yesterday and took my own food to our dinner before bible study last night- I even avoided eating cupcakes while everyone else did!  Yea again!  That's about it.  How are you doing?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Didn't realize it's Wednesday already!

I've been lax in my posting the last few days.  I guess that's because things were going pretty well.  Monday was fine.  My husband and I walked 3.2 miles and I ate fine.  Yesterday was a different story.  I was making cupcakes for Mom's Night Out and the church youth.  Well, I told myself I needed to taste the icing to make sure it was still good (I froze it about a month ago) and that I'd just have one taste and be fine.  (The last time I froze it, it didn't stay good.)  Well, it was DELICIOUS and 1 taste turned into 1 CUP (that's my estimate) plus 4 cupcakes.  Oh yes, lovely, huh?  It's pretty hard not to be down on myself after all week reading Ephesians 4: 17-24 about putting off the old self and putting on the new self.  And here I go and screw up my week of hard work.  I KNOW BETTER!  I know that 1 taste is like an alcoholic saying 1 sip.  I should have been prepared. 

OK.  STOP NICOLE.  This is the end of the being angry.  Isaiah 43:18-19; Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Dear heavenly father, help me not dwell on this failure and focus on the good.  The fact that we walked 5.4 miles last night, the fact that I did well 6 of 7 days last week, the fact that I avoided many other temptations.  I am thankful for these successes and praise you for the strength to accomplish them.  You are MY heavenly father and I love you.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Saturday and Sunday

So this past weekend went well.  I went to the Beth Moore simulcast, but took my own lunch, which was a good thing, b/c they served Chic-fil-a.  I love that stuff, but love the idea of losing weight more.  I ate their vegeterian option, which was an iceberg lettuce salad (yuck).  Oh well- it was still 0 points!  I had a hard time when they brought out cookies and the girl next to me got 2, just as I told her, "I don't need to eat any cookies."  I just got my bible out and read/tried to ignore her while she was eating.  Saturday night, we walked 3.2 miles.  That was good b/c I was feeling really anxious b/c I wanted to eat.  No other reason, than my flesh wanted to be gratified with food and it makes me anxious and incredibly antagonistic with my husband.  Not vocally mean, but just playfully wanting to hit him and such, which I really don't like doing and it makes me more antagonistic anyway.  So he saved me and took us for a long walk.  It drizzled most of the time, but it was great to not be thinking about food and to be outside.

Sunday was equally fine.  My points were good and we walked 5.4 miles.  That was good too.  =)  And I got to redeem one of my birthday coupons for a free foot rub afterwards.  I have such an amazing husband.  =)

So the Beth Moore simulcast was fabulous.  I pray you got to attend.  But something that stuck out with me is this... change starts in your mind, goes to your feet (action), and then will land in your heart.  I love that.  I have done that with forgiveness when I haven't "felt it" and it worked.  Why did I never think that would work with other aspects of life like my food stronghold?  The whole session was based on Ephesians 4:17-24 about putting off the old and putting on the new.  I pray you read it and find it encouraging that we are called to JUST DO IT for God.  You can and I can and we will!!!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Easy day yesterday

It amazes me how some days are so easy and others are so hard.  Yesterday was an easy one.  I had really no big temptations, although I went to a Pampered Chef party.  We made a meal and dessert.  But I stuck to strawberries and grapes and water.  I was fine!  Towards the end I was craving something, but I put some gum in my mouth and did good.  Yeah for easy days.  I pray I have more of those.  Hope for a good day today and weekend.  How'd you do?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Kinda down...

So... today is a down day.  I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  All I want to do is lie on the couch and sleep, but wait- I have a 15 month old that won't allow that.  I've only eaten... I think less than 10 points today- that's how exhausted I am.  My husband and I are incredibly financially strapped and had to borrow money from family to make ends meet for May.  I don't understand why God hasn't provided for our house to sell yet.  This has caused a huge financial burden by having to pay rent and mortgage that are equal in price every month since December.  Our savings is gone, we are going to have to use our baby's savings account of money she's been given over the past 15 months.  And we still need to borrow money from family so my husband can buy gas to get to work.  That was really the main concern.  We have plenty of food and all the other bills are paid, but he will need gas.  I am GOING TO honor God though and continue to tithe 10%.  I am not mad at God, I just don't understand the whys.  Michael is so much happier in this job and it seemed like the right decision for our family to move here for it (and me to quit my job).  But is this God's way telling us, no?  I was reminded of 2 verses today on Proverbs 31's blog:

Philippians 4:4-9 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
And "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

I pray that God helps my husband and I live as an example of these verses over the coming days and months.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

No Way!!!

Well, I lost 0.4 pounds this week.  I can't believe I actually lost anything!  Praise the Lord.  I am so ready to be back on track this week.  Today has been a fine day so far.  I'd like to nap now while the baby is, but have stuff to do...  Hope you're having a great day too!!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


So let's see here.  Sunday night wasn't too great.  I ate way too many Sun Chips.  Why?  Because I felt like I had ruined my week already, so I ate them.  Not a whole bag or anything, but definitely more than one serving and definitely more points than I should have.

BUT- I made a come back yesterday.  I limited myself to 25 points and went for a 45 minute walk with a bit of jogging.  It was a great food day!

Then today... my food at home has been fine, but I had MOPS this morning.  Should I tell you what I ate?  Yep, I think I need the accountability.  I had some spinach strawberry salad, 2 mini-muffins, 3- 1" brownies, 2 chocolate covered cream puffs, and 1 oatmeal raisin cookies.  Plus 2 glasses of water.  So it's not terrible, but again, it was definitely more than my points.  I know this will sound terrible, but others had heaping plates of food.  But that doesn't matter- it's about what I did, and that comparision doesn't make my sin of flesh any better.  So I am back on track now and plan to stay so through the rest of the day.  I will let you know how weigh-in goes.

So finally- I am worried.  I know Luke talks about not worrying, but gosh, I am worried.  Our house in NC has been on the market since mid-November.  We had a buyer all lined up and it fell through last week (the purchase was contingent on the sale of their house in MD).  So Michael and I are all out of savings after paying mortage and rent every month since December ($750 twice a month).  We might be able to make it this month.  We will have about $200 after paying all our bills for food and gas.  But we will be in the red until his 2nd monthly paycheck.  So I guess that means taking money out of baby's savings account.  I HATE to do that.  BUT I know that we can put it back once we sell the house (and we had planned to put more in there for her anyway).  Sigh.  I need to get on my knees and make some tread marks in the carpet.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Charleston baby-free weekend!

Well, Daddy and I had a great weekend in Charleston.  It was such a great time, but that's not what you want to hear about.  Food... it was a challenge.  I found myself feeling really resentful when I couldn't eat what I wanted at restaurants.  I didn't eat poorly, but didn't stay within my WW points range.  That resentful feeling made me angry and put me in a bad mood, but Michael and I talked about it and he helped me get out of it.  So pretty much, the last 3 days, I ate when I was hungry, what I wanted to eat.  We also exercised tons.  I mean, went to the gym on Friday and walked for 2 hours downtown.  Walked/ran on Saturday AM and then walked downtown for at least 3 hours.  Then today we walked/ran and then walked again on the beach for an hour and at the outlets for an hour.  So I tried to make up for my food choices.  I had cake, moon pies, ice cream, and a cookie and it was all fabulous.  I also had a margarita, which has been so long in the coming!  But I know my points weren't perfect and that makes me feel guilty, but I figure three days of enjoyment with Michael was worth it.  We will see what happens at my weigh in on Wednesday AM.  I will be back to my points the next meal (dinner tonight), now that we are home. 

But that resentful feeling was interesting.  I was resentful b/c I wanted to eat what I wanted and hated that I had to limit myself.  It was very irritating.  But pray I get back to it well tonight and tomorrow!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Oh my gosh! I am BABYLESS!!!

Oh my gosh.  THE weekend is here.  Daddy and I get to go away together for 3 days!  Yep!  Oh and did I mention, we aren't taking the baby.  I drove 2.5 hours today to meet grandma and grandpa half-way and hand her over.  I did so without tears (surprisingly), although I couldn't sleep last night.  I hate to leave my amazing gift.  She's just so wonderful.  =)  Well, yippee to a weekend of adult stuff!!!  YEAH YEAH YEAH!

So I just read today's Proverb's 31 devotion and found this verse within... Proverbs 20:5 "Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart; a wise person draws from the well within."  Wow.  That is a really powerful verse.  I know that the well within me is the power of God.  I am slowly learning how to access it.  For example, I have written a bunch of my favorite verses out in a little notebook and when the evil one tries to tempt me, I pick an appropriate one and say it out loud.  It works.  Sometimes I yell them... one time I thought the baby was asleep, but she must not have been yet, b/c she started yelling. Opps. Ha ha. 
Well, food today has been fine again.  I was pretty hungry a few minutes ago and ate some popcorn and need to go drink some water.  Keep me tied over until dinner at bible study.  I cook tonight, so I can count my points better.  That always makes it easier. 

All right- here's to an adult weekend and prayers of blessing for Hannah, Grandma, and Grandpa.  Good luck to you this weekend!  I have lots of restaurants to CONQUER.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Quiet time.... sigh...

So baby is in bed, daddy went to buy me a birthday gift, and I get some quiet time.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!!  Can I say that any louder?!?!  PRAISE THE LORD OUR GOD FOR PEACE AND QUIET!!!  Today was an insane day.  Started with a magnificent trip to Publix.  I spent $36 on groceries and saved $110.  I just LOVE IT when that happens.  I put the cold stuff in the cooler and Hannah and I raced to Weight Watchers.  That's always a bit overwhelming b/c she's at the age where she won't sit still, so I feel like a huge annoyance at the meeting.  But one of the women today told me not to worry about it and let her walk around.  That was nice.  =)  After that, we came home, Hannah took a nap.  While she did that, I don't know what I did?!?  Um, dishes (no, we don't have a dishwasher)???  Oh and made zucchini bread for a gift and Hannah's lunch.  Well, Hannah had yet another allergic reaction to some food she ate at lunch.  Her eyes swelled up and turned red and she got a rash all over her.  Off to the the pediatrician again.  We were finally referred to an allergist, so we will see what happens there.  Then we ran some errands, I got my hair cut, then we ran a few more errands, went to the park with some friends, and got home in time to meet daddy.

Tonight daddy got to see the irritiable Hannah.  I was in the hair pulling out mood again, but he kept her occupied while I tried to clean up the house and make dinner.  Because of the incredible business of the day, I haven't eaten but 23.5 of my points and I am not hungry.  So, I am going to stop there.  I am trying to honor this body and obey God.  I haven't been incredibly tempted, but right now, I'd like to put something in my mouth b/c it would taste good.  But I keep kicking the thought out of my mind.  It's like in the song Slow Fade by Casting Crowns- "Be careful little eyes what you see, It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings."  It always reminds me that with my thoughts about food.  The first thought is fine, but when I let it linger, it settles in my heart and that leads to the sin of disobedience and gratifying the flesh.  I need to stop my thoughts before they get to my heart.  How do I do that?  Occupy myself with something else, pray, just do it.

Week 2

Ok- I lost 1.2 pounds this week.  I am satisfied with that.  That's 3 pounds total.  Yippee!  I am on my way.  Slow is probably the best way to do it, so I don't gain it back.  Yesterday was a "hair pulling out day" for me.  The baby was really irritable for me.  I didn't go and pray like I should have.  I didn't east sweets- but I still ate when I wasn't hungry.  Gratifying the flesh feels SO good at the time, until the last bite is swallowed and I regret it.  By dinner time I had 5 points left, which is like 250 calories.  Jeesh.  I ate sensibly though and went for a 50 minute walk at high pace and came out on top.  =)  The Lord provides me sanity when I most need it and man did I need that walk.  It's a challenge some days b/c we don't have 2 car seats and so I get stuck in the house sometimes.

My goal this week- make it through our weekend in Charleston, SC, without gaining weight.  It's daddy's and my first long trip away without the baby.  Yippee!!  Just need to eat sensibly.  Good luck this week ladies!!!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The weekend result

OK- so this weekend wasn't bad.  Ate lots of veggies and chicken, plus 3 pieces of my AWESOME lime cake.  Have I mentioned I am an aspiring baker?  Well, I am within my points, but have used all 35 of my weekly allowance and 25 of my 28 exercise points.  We will see what happens at weigh in on Wednesday, I am betting a low to nothing loss.  I was kind of experimenting.  I am anxious to see how it goes!  Also- I started using the points tracker online and like it.  It keeps the math straight for me and makes it easier.  Hope you had a good weekend too!

Friday, April 9, 2010

The weekend.

Hey.  Well, yesterday turned out OK.  I was 1.5 points over my limit, but am not worried about it b/c we have those extra 35 to mess with every week.  My overage- a hamburger last night.  We went to bible study and I didn't have much choice to eat but what they provided.  I did eat vegetables before I left and took my own 1 point thin bun, but it was fine.  I can't believe how easy and hard it can be at the same time... everyone else was eating cheese burgers with bacon, chips, and potato salad- and drinking soda- oh yes and brownies.  And here I am with my burger with mustard and dill pickles on my thin bun with water.  That was it.  I found myself kind of spacing out while everyone else was still eating and not joining the conversation.  But it was OK. 

This weekend will be a little challenging.  We are heading to the in-laws today through Monday, so I won't have as much control over my food choices.  I am going to do my best to stick to points though.

Oh- a praise for yesterday- I made a lime cake for this weekend and tasted at most- a tablespoon of cooked cake and icing.  Go Nicole!!!

Thursday, April 8, 2010


So yesterday was a good food day and I got to do cardio for 30 min at the gym- when daddy got home from work.  Unfortunately our gym doesn't have child care- nor do we have family or know many people around here.  But in any case, the frustration doesn't come from this...  The sale of our house in NC fell through.  Ugh.  Paying rent and mortgage each month is not fun and we are out of savings.  There is an open house on Sunday, so we are praying that we get a buyer.  The realtor suggested we lower our price... I don't know what to think about that.  I just want to sell this house and move on and be done with it.  I have too much invested in it (emotionally and financially) and just want it to be over.  Grr.  I know that God provides all we need- Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given to you as well.  Remember.  Remember.  Remember.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Successful Week 1!

All right, so I lost 1.8 pounds this week.  Fabulous!  That's a good start considering all the cake I ate this week.  But I did stay on plan and countered the cake with exercise.  Now I just need to get my boredom/loneliness fixed by reading and other stuff.  Praying that goes well today.  Must treat this body like a temple and honor God.  Good luck today to you too!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Day 6

So it's been almost a week of Weight Watchers. This week has been tough. I struggle so much with wanting to eat because it tastes good and because I am tired. But God constantly reminds me that I need to obey him. Just this morning I came across this verse on Proverbs 31 Ministry's daily devotional; Psalm 32:3-4 "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer." Go figure- He always picks the best words for me. This verse is encouraging because it reminds me that God FORGIVES US!! How do I keep forgetting that... yep... Easter was Sunday and yet here I am still hanging myself on that cross because I can't be perfect.

So food this week... the good- ate lots more vegetables than normal. The bad... ate quite a bit of cake. The good... worked out a lot!! The great... resisted temptation to eat some of the icing for the cake I am making for Youth next Wednesday. Yeah!

We will see what weigh in says tomorrow.


OK- so this blog is going to be all about my weight loss struggles. Let me tell you a little about me... I am a 30 year old mother of a fourteen month old little girl, Hannah, and wife to Michael. We've lived in SC for almost 4 months now. I stay at home with Hannah.

I have struggled with my weight all my life. I mean ALL. Up and down and up and down. You know what I mean. Right now, I am at 196 pounds. This isn't my highest, but almost. My goal is to lose 46 pounds, be healthier, a better role model for Hannah, and the sexy wife that Michael deserves. I have been there before, but then I had my thyroid irradiated, finished grad school, moved, got a new job after not being able to find one, had a baby, quit my job, moved again, husband got a new job, and now I stay at home. So all of that stress makes it hard for me. Hard for me to obey God that is. The spirit often tells me "no" but most of the time I give in to the flesh and eat. I eat when I am tired, stressed, anxious, and bored. But what should I do in those times? Yep- read my bible and pray or sing or do something else. A replacement behavior. And most of all, I need to obey God. I believe this is why my relationship with him has become so stagnant.

Well, enough for now. I really am just going to use this as a place to vent. A place to type when I want to eat and maybe it will bless someone else out there.